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Are you listening for the truth or your version of the truth?

Truth is an interesting thing. It’s a thing that we often cannot agree on. There are usually several versions of a truth when it comes to human communication. Some versions are more correct than others.
This comes down to the way the truth is defined in our own minds. When it comes to communication, we decide what the truth is by looking at the messages we send out into the world. We decide who said what when, and therefore, who is most or least likely to repeat our words.

We then decide on how we want to communicate this new information to our audience. Do we want to convince them of a point of view, or express an opinion of our own?
With this definition in mind, it can quickly become apparent what is and is not acceptable truth-wise. It also helps us to see how one way of communicating can misrepresent what was intended. We can then decide not to repeat this behavior, or to adopt a more honest way of communicating ourselves.

Let’s take the example of an argument. You and your partner might have disagreement after disagreement. You might think you are doing them the world of good by repeating their words back to them back so they know how they feel. They might think the opposite, or they might not know you are even capable of reading their emotions.

In this case, it isn’t feasible to force the issue. Therefore, you should try and understand their point of view, and if necessary, explain how you feel is far from the whole story. You can then ask them for their point of view, but this needs to be done in a way that does not lead your partner on to direct them to it.
In this example, you have betrayed yourself to some degree by not asking for your partner’s point of view. Unless there is a very good reason, this is a clear sign you are not listening for the truth, but for your version of the truth.

When we are trying to do our best, it is impossible to always get it right. Sometimes, we are not even attempting to. We are trying our best to cope with whatever is going on, and therefore, try to get our partner to do the same.
This often leads to one of two things:
When you are trying your very best to do the right thing, and your partner is doing the right thing, they will naturally want to support you.

When you are trying your very best and your partner is doing the right thing, they will also want to help you.
But when they benefit from your efforts, you will know. You will know that your partner is supporting you, not abandoning you.
You might also realize as you debate how to proceed that you are supporting your partner, while they are supporting you. This is a very good thing.

The problem comes when either party tries to do the right thing and your partner disagrees. This is a no go.
Your partner supporting you does not allow you to do the wrong thing.
Your partner telling you to do something, and you doing it supports you to do the right thing.
This is a very good thing, and gets misinterpreted. We like to think that our partner is backing us up on this, but it is not.
It is up to each person to communicate their good side, and ensure their partner is doing the same.
In this way, you don’t become like the villain in a movie, who always is right.

Your partner might be supporting you, but you can still be right.
This kind of communication is very important in ensuring each person is getting the recognition they are due for their efforts.
From here, you can move on to other aspects of healthy communication.
How to be more patient with your partner.
Should you try to be wrong all the time?
That won’t help anyone.

As a divorced woman, I have seen times when people try to make assumptions about my relationship with my ex-husband based on his new relationship.
Was he cheating? Was she cheating? We wrote about it in more detail in this article.
The thing is, our relationship was not that healthy to begin with, and we had to take the steps to save our relationship.
The assumption made about us by others made us react like we were doing someone a favor by giving them another chance.

There was nothing behind that emotion. It was just a reaction to what we thought of our ex, which was nothing new.
But when I knew our relationship was more harmful than anything else, I made it a point to not make assumptions about my relationship with him.
I made it a point to listen to him when he told me his story. I always wanted to make sure he was telling the truth. I wanted to know how it was trying to affect him.
I also made it a point to listen to his feelings.

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