Everyone has a different break-up style.
Break-up’s can test you to your limit. You find out what really matters to you, how you cope with loss, how you process emotions.
Over my life I have seen a trend emerging, present in myself, the vast majority of people I know and those who have reached out to me for help.
The trend is clear, most people see some type of relationship and experience one way or another.
The reason for this is down to how we choose to approach our break-ups.
If you choose to approach it as a risk, an opportunity to find out who you are and what you’re made of, then you will likely end up disappointed. You will likely look back and think how did you ever live without this person.
If you choose to approach it as a loss not a opportunity, then you will be far more patient. You will learn something from the relationship and be able to move on more fully. You will also come out of the experience with a better view of yourself and who you are.
While this can be very helpful for those people who want to find out how to become better, it can also be very damaging for those who want to grow.
The standard advice for new relationships is to try and stay out of other people’s relationships. If you’re in a relationship and you realize it’s not going to work, it’s probably a sign you’re not compatible and you’ll likely get back with someone worse for your experience.
However, this ignores the possibility of becoming less compatible. You might realize it’s not at the point where you’re going to be an amazing partner for someone, you might realize that this person is still choosing you over all the other possibilities and just don’t have the potential you think they have.
Then you’re stuck being with the wrong person for the rest of your life instead of choosing someone who’s a better match for you.
Trying to work yourself out of a jam requires a lot of time and effort. You might want to try to wait until you’re older to make the change, but that really doesn’t happen. So you do the next best thing, which can be a disappointing experience for yourself.
People who break up for different reasons than most people are usually better at it than the vast majority of people you’ll meet.
They don’t go through the effort of realizing why they’re breaking up or why they’re choosing not to live together.
So if you want to increase your chances of finding someone who’s a better match for you, it will cost you.
How to Become a Better Partner
You can’t go wrong with building healthy relationships, but you can’t always do it with the people that make you the happiest.
You need to try new things.
My mantra when I started working on myself was to try and never repeat the past mistakes.
I’ve learned a lot by going through the cycles of my emotions, and there’s not a lot I can tell you on how to beat them.
There are, however, a few things I think you can do to become a more attractive partner and help your chances of finding that special someone.
Always know why you’re trying to change
It can be hard to understand someone’s decision to break up with you. You want to understand why they’re done, because a big part of it is gut instinct.
But if you can just understand why they’re trying to change and if you can respect their decision, then you go a long way in not making their decision about your shortcomings.
Appreciate them for who they are
Breakups are never easy, and being through them can be painfull, but if you can avoid having your tears interrupted every time you say those tired words, then you’ll do better.
Your gushing with emotion won’t hurt as much if you thanks them for being who they are, and you can let them know it’s alright for them to be who they are.
Understand their situation
Perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned is not to read someone’s feelings until I have had a chance to know them.
Once you get through the whirlwind of emotions, you’ll be better equipped to understand why someone’s making the decision they’re making.
Someone might decide they want to end things because they don’t want to be in a relationship. But until then, they might be in a relationship that’s working well and just don’t want to be in a better one.
You can’t make those sorts of decisions. You can’t tell someone they’re over someone until they’ve had a chance to see it through.
spending time together
It’s obvious that having someone you love spend time with other people is a good thing.
But if you’re not ready to say that you’re so glad they’re not around when they’re with their friends or family