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Things no one ever says to you about your Feelings

Things people never say to you about your feelings is one of those things everyone praises but no one actually cares about. No one ever tells you what your feelings mean to them, they only tell you to  trust your feelings and carry them with  you at all times.
The reality is people often make the wrong kind of statement  five times out of 10. So before you act on your feelings let’s look at why they came to be. No one ever says “I feel X when I hear Y”. What they say is “I felt X when I read Y, then I felt Y when I read X”.

No one believes that, so they say “I feel X when I see you pouting, I feel Y when I hear you complaining, I feel Y when I read about X again”. People don’t believe those, so they just keep saying “I feel X when I hear you talking about Y, I feel Y when I read about Y again”. That’s not how feelings are communicated, so they say “I feel Y when I hear you talking about Z, I feel Z when I hear you talking about Y”. People don’t believe those, so they say “I feel Z when I hear you talking about X, I feel Z when I hear you talking about Y”. Again, that’s not how feelings are communicated, so they say “I feel Z when I hear you talking about Y, I feel Z when I hear you talking about Z”.


People don’t take into consideration what the person  really wants. Why do you care what your feelings mean to them? They may be afraid they may lose you as a friend, so they don’t say anything. Or they may not feel you need to be told how they feel. They believe their feelings are clear and specific, you are confusing. But your feelings are not clear at all. You may have feelings you cannot clearly explain, and your friend is trying to help you. But when you follow their advice, sometimes your feelings change, and the way you feel, now that you know what it is, is completely different from how you felt before. Do you really need to be told how your friend feels about you? Why do you need to be told how your friend feels about you? It is not your job to make them feel how you now feel. It is not your job to tell your friend how you now feel. Your friend knows what they feel and they feel it, for good reason. Don’t make them feel that you think they need to be told how you feel now. It is not your job to make them feel that, it is not your job to tell your friend how you now feel.


So the question really is  Why do you need to be told how your friend feels about you? Even if you did some good, honest, and valuable things to them, why do you need to know how they feel? Don’t you get it?  You do not need to know how your friend feels about you. You already know how you feel about them. You already know they have done good, honest and valuable things for you. You get to have those feelings, that is all that matters. The rest is just noise.


Your feelings have nothing to do with how they feel now, or even if they feel the same now as they did when you started, and really nothing to do with the stuff you have done or won to do for them. Yours have everything to do with how they feel now and what they feel will be like in the future. Yours do not have to be told how they feel  now, and  and and how  you feel now, and  and how  you  will feel in the future. Your  feelings have nothing to do with how you feel now, or even if you feel the same now as you did when you started, and really nothing to do with the stuff you have done or won to do for them.

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