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Why I’m Opting Out of Motherhood

Sat here at the golden age of 34 just four months shy of my 35th birthday, I’m still undecided complete duster. I’m totally cool with not being a full-time mom. I have a lot of love to give. I’d like to baby-sit or pick up another passion if and when I finally settle down. But right now I just want to do the very best I can with the life I’ve been given.

I’ve already lost one child through childbirth. I didn’t want that one to happen again. Yet here I am. And just like that, I’ve lost another one to a long term health issue. It’s been 10 years. It seems like it’s meant to happen.

When I was in the top 1% of my class in high school, I was a published author. I dropped out of college because I couldn’t afford to stay in school long enough to get a degree. Both my children would have been grown by now if healthy.

I’m not sure if I would have been able to maintain a family if I hadn’t given up a year of my life to save my life.
That has to be the most humiliating thing one can do. Become a full-time parent and leave the rest of your life to fend for yourself.

I’m done.

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