Sex is supposed to be great, right? You’re in the mood and laying in bed together, simply, intimately, making all the right moves, building a strong trust and connection.
And then… everything happens differently. Maybe it’s the first kiss or the first time he touches your body. You can feel his heart in your chest, his breath on your neck, and his hands envelop your body completely.
Suddenly, you stop moving, and he reaches over and abruptly pull your arms down, holding them there while he stops moving… and sits naked on your body, still, without making any sudden movements or sounds.
You are breathless with fear, but he has prepared you a little soup.
“Is this stuff I think I’m eating making you uncomfortable?” He asks, looking down at your body, trying to act casual but hiding a bit of a smile.
“Um, yeah?” Without thinking, you nod, which makes him go “ah” and bring the soup to you, putting it slowly so that his taste buds have time to adjust to the new flavor.
In just a few minutes, you are both running on all cylinders, buzzing with activity and in constant motion. Your home is swarming with life. It feels like you are both playing a game of football, with all the moving parts banging together and checking in with each other constantly.
You are kissing every time he enters your room. You are making out consistently, and he is winning every kiss. You are becoming increasingly excited and happy. You know that this is a rare and beautiful thing, and you are happy for him as well.
But, simultaneously, you are realizing that this first kiss may not be enough to keep him around. You are thinking about what could happen in the future, and you are becoming intense nervousness. You are nervous that he will leave you, especially when you decide to move your relationship out of your home and into the studio apartment he has offered to you. You are nervous that you will lose him to this woman, or that the relationship will fall apart. You are so focused on the worry of these future disasters that you simply lose yourself in the process and lose the beauty of your love for him.
When you look back on the relationship, it was not healthy for sure, but you allow it to remain intact due to your fear of losing him.
It is time for you to stop looking backward and start looking forwards. It is time for you to start realizing that the future winner of your love will be the one who gives you the best times. It will be the one you can count on to have your back, and your love will be left behind while you are looking for someone who can keep you by their side for the ride ahead.
Instead of wondering what could have been, look at what is. It may not be the person you thought they were, but it is certainly the person you are with now.
And instead of wondering how and when you will be able to fall back into this person’s life, simply look at the present. Is that person good for you? Does that person bring out the best in you, or do they tend to make you feel worse? Favoritism, either in person or in power, is always problematic and favors the outsider.
Let the person you love to enjoy the present, and enough of the future to make sure they are safe from the risk of losing them.