Men who have affairs are not always the best friends of their partners. Sometimes they play a key supporting role and sometimes they don’t.
One common-sense definition that many of us were taught is that a relationship with a cheating man is a personal failure. It is a betrayal of trust. It is saying that your trust is not important, only his is. It is him and not you, and not important enough to worth risking your pride and integrity for. I’ll go one further and say that about 90% of the time if a man who has an affair says he has lost his faith in us and our relationship, it is the opposite. It is him saying he has lost our faith and respect and that he has left us without a trace. It is him saying we have lost your confidence, your friendship, and your connection. It is him saying there is nothing more he can give you and that he has separated from you and that you are missing this message.
He Is Not Your Friend
He is Not Your Man
Not Every Intimate Relationship is Vulnerable and Induced Separation
It is scary for the woman because she has no idea what is ahead. He is not your friend. He was not your friend when you were together, and he never will be. Make no mistake. A friendship does not mean you will not feud with each other. It means that you have accepted and forgiven each other. When you accept and forgive someone who has hurt you, you accept the anger and resentment that is lurking on the edge.
It takes more strength to forgive someone than it does to believe them when they tell you they are sorry. However, by letting go of your belief in their word, you can forgive them more quickly.
If you stayed in a marriage because you feared your husband would leave you for a woman other than you, you risked losing not only your love and affection from your husband but your respect and dignity as a man too. (A disrespect built from fear and sensitivity to women’s feelings.)
Afraid to Lose You as a Woman in an Intimate Relationship
When women are in no position to give anything away, they are stuck in a bad relationship with no real chance of improvement. So, while they may be afraid of losing you as a friend, they are afraid of losing you as a wife, a mother, a co-worker, or a friend. Once they lose you like all those things, they lose your respect, your dignity, and your value as a woman.
If you were being abused, wouldn’t you give that person every chance to break free?
If they really want to leave, they will do just that. If they truly want to do the right thing, they will do the right thing. If they really want to do the right thing, they will set an example. They will demonstrate to the people around them that this behavior will not be rewarded. Hold them accountable. Add them to the list of those who get their way by doing the right thing at the wrong time. That will teach them a lesson they will never forget.
When men do not understand the value of women, the whole relationship goes downhill. Women want to be respected as actual people, not just someone to turn to or give emotional support. They expect empathy and emotion from men, including empathy and emotion from the man in their relationship. They expect the man in their life to treat them as humans like everyone else.
Men who do not understand this and refuse to do what is expected of them damage their relationships and their relationships’ attraction to each other. They are unable to understand their woman does not want sex with everyone, she wants quality sex, not just hot sex all the time. She does not feel like she can have an intimate relationship with you if you are not capable of being a quality sex partner every day. She will run in the opposite direction when she feels that you are not capable of being her top sexual performer every night.
She does not expect you to be her “straight A” student, her “expert”, and her “lover”. She does not expect you to be the best lover she can have, and she knows you will not be either. She has no way of knowing whether she should keep you, or let you go because of these things. She has to do the finding and getting to know the process, instead of assumptions and assumptions. She needs to start assessing what she has, instead of what she thinks she has. She wants to know what she has. She doesn’t need to know what she thinks she has.