Many people have asked why they should even be looking for a relationship. It seems so obvious that if you really think about it, why not just meet people randomly and see if they are interested?
And sure, that might work out OK in the short run. You find out two people both want you and one of them shows up in a week or so, right?
So far, so good.
But then why are so many people still single after meeting for a date?
Let’s break it down.
Why Are So Many Single People Hanging Out in Social Websites and Bars?
There are many reasons, but perhaps the biggest one is the “friend zone.”
Essentially, in the friend zone, you know you’re not really interested — at least not as much as you hoped or thought you would be after a few dates. But before you know it, you’re spending your time with everyone’s cousin on Facebook, or your old roommate from college again.
The friend zone is when you know that, even though you think you’re into someone, you’re really not. Because you’ve been in the friend zone repeatedly. Even if you try to pretend that you do, and even though you say you don’t want to be, eventually, you’ll be in the friend zone yet again.
But what does the friend zone even mean?
The Friend Zone Is The Illusion Of Interest
The first thing you need to know about the friend zone is that it is a mirage.
It’s a illusion created by your own expectations and your own subconscious desires. And the reason it’s a mirage is because the things that you believe about your partner may very well be different than what your partner believes about you.
I know — it’s cruel. But it’s the way the world works. And we’re all just suckers for that reason.
Just know that what you think about yourself and what your partner thinks about you is very different, and that means you’re in the friend zone all over again.
What It Does to Your Relationship
If you have been in a relationship where you’ve been the most important person in the relationship but have always felt like the real focus has been slipping away, then what you consider to be your success may be more about your partner wanting to feel like you’re a real partner than it is about you wanting to succeed at all.
But either way, you’ll have to work very hard to get out of the friend zone to keep the connection alive and in it to the long run.
But even if you do get out of the friend zone, you’re most likely not going to be able to get out of the relationship zone.
The friend zone is a magical illusion and a symptom of our subconscious desires and expectations that simply aren’t in line with what healthy, lasting relationships are all about.
But even if you do get out of the friend zone, you may still be in the relationship zone.
If you’ve been in the relationship zone with anyone, it’s probably because you’ve been giving yourself incentives (incentives) to stay in the relationship instead of letting go of who you are.
These are the types of situations I had with my ex-husband:
And also with my brother:
And with my brother-in-law:
And with my best friend:
And with my partner:
When it comes to relationships, the friend zone is a common occurrence.
But when it comes to sex, it’s different.
The Friend Zone Is a Common Tool of Bad Sex
No, I’m not talking about the sack-full-of-sex toy that sends your body into anaphylactic shock every time you put it in your mouth.
I’m talking about the sex toy that gives you an erection, which sends you running for the hills to the pharmacy to get it because you can’t get it in the house.
But what that means is that they’ve spent a lot of time in the friend zone.
And it’s not because they’re withholding intimacy.
It’s because they’ve spent a lot of time in the relationship zone and are now moving to the relationship zone.
And relationship zones are where most healthy, lasting relationships exist.
They’re in the space between the relationship zone and the friendship zone.
But even in the space between the relationship zone and the friendship zone, there are some relationship-kings.
The space between the relationship zone and the friendship zone is often filled with mutual friends and lovers.
But sometimes it isn’t.
And that’s where the friend zone comes in.
The friend zone is where you believe you’ll find true love if you just give yourself a little push. If only you find them attractive enough. If only they will drift in and out of your thoughts.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.