We all wish that we could act like people we want to be all the time. We wish that our partners would act like our friends we all want to be all the time. We wish that our jealous and frustrated behavior wouldn’t be “meant to be”.
Many people feel that if they just find the right person and get along with them they will be extremely jealous of other people and their interactions with them. What many people don’t realise is that they are actually causing jealousy in other people. When you are causing jealousy you are likely to become frustrated and even aggressive with people you perceive to be taking advantage of your situation.
What will happen is your partner will feel like they have to try harder to keep you happy and your moods are going to change. You will find it hard to give your all to the one person you have it in common ground with. It is unrealistic to think that they will and rightly so you will end up with a toxic partner who is not only jealous but also jealous of their partner.
Jealousy is not just a one night stand thing. You will begin to feel as though you don’t really want to be in a relationship when you are starting to feel like you don’t enjoy being around them. When you have jealousy it doesn’t really matter how great a person they are or how much they hate their ex. You will still feel like they are not the right person for you and your relationship doesn’t really look like it is going to work.
Jealousy is not just an issue when it comes to the relationship with your friends. You should have no problem being your friends with someone else. You have a right to be as picky as you want on who you spend time with. But your romantic partner has a right to have someone else before yours. You shouldn’t be the only person you spend time with other than your partner and their friends. It is not fair to put your relationships in a box and think that you can only spend time with your partner and their friends and you can’t have other people. You should be able to spend time with anyone you want. The issue is that some people feel as though you can’t spend time with your friends or family because you are in a relationship and they aren’t.
Your friends or family may not judge you as harshly when you are at your friend’s house but that doesn’t mean that you are entitled to treat them like you are being your friend for your benefit. Your friend shouldn’t have to sweat the small stuff like you because it goes against their expectations. They should be willing to do the same for you as well. Why? Because it is not right, and it is not fair. They should be willing to do the same for you as well. But you are not doing that to them, you are doing it for yourself. If you are not willing to do what is right for yourself, then why were you friends in the first place? You likely never intended to get out of the friendship, you merely played it until you were in it.
If you do not have trust in the person you are with, playing around with the guy will not only end in him feeling insecure about you, but also with a loss of confidence in you as a person. He will not feel that you have his back. You are not truly interested in him, and you have not really cared about him. He should be thinking about what you said to him, and what you have done to undermine him.
When you begin to sense that your new relationship is going down the road, it is really good idea to have a discussion with yourself about your intentions.
- Did you buy your friend a gift or two?
- Did you give them an extravagant gift? Why did you do that?
- Did you think they would spend it all and now you want it all back?
- Was it because you felt they needed it or thanked you for making them feel good?
- Did you buy them something in the mail and wonder where it was going? Why did you do that?
- Did you think they would think less of you? What were you thinking?
- Were you bummed that they didn’t really need it?
- Were you bummed that they didn’t think you were enough for them?
The truth is, if they were counting on one thing, and it didn’t happen, they were wrong. If you weren’t thinking rationally, you were wrong, and wrong, and wrong. But what are you going to do, hang around and wait for them to get it right? Don’t tell yourself that you are too stingy with your love, that you haven’t spent enough of your own money on them. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t really want them, that you are not really ready for them, that you are not looking..