The next big thing after the breakup of a relationship is always the hardest.
You cannot plan for everything, and you cannot expect people to do the same. You are responsible for taking care of yourself, and figuring out what comes after the breakup. It is not always clear to what extent your friends or family will accept your decision, and you need their acceptance to help you take the next steps.
After a breakup people may feel pain in a few different places. One place is their own gut. They may wonder what the hell just happened. Then there is the matter of what coming back to normal will feel like. You will not be able to forget.
- You will always wonder what went wrong. Who did this to you?
- Did they love you enough to try again?
- Did they just break up with you for the wrong reasons?
- You are going to keep reeling for a long time.
You may hope that the right person will come along for the ride. But the fact is you will keep drifting, and the next thing you know you are down in the ocean, and all you want is to go back to your life before it was taken away.
The next thing you know you are angry. Now that your heart is back, you must find the strength to move on. You may hope you will find the love you thought you found. You may hope that the right person will come along for the ride. But the fact is you will keep spinning until you find the right person who wants the same things you did. Until you find that person, and that person will never come back into your life.
The next thing you know you are lower down the hole. You are not thinking about all the things you have lost. You are not looking at the extent of your loss. All you see is the loss of what you had with your ex. Everything before that is just a memory now. It is all you.
The next thing you know, you are lower down the hole, again. You are not thinking about the loss you are experiencing now. Your mind is filled with images of the person you loved and how you could not let that go. You hear yourself rambling on about how you are lost without them and how great it would be to have them back. Then you get to the part where you are saying all the right things. That is when you start to feel a bit better and realize that you are actually doing something right.
The next thing you know, you are already thinking about what you are going to do now that you are back on your own. You realize that you are not going back to live with your ex because you are not ready to let go. You are delaying the final word because you want to see how they feel about you before you tell them you are breaking up with them. You are putting it off because you want to see how they feel about you before you tell them.
Don’t do this. Wait until you have something to lose. Lose yourself in the process of losing yourself. Do not wait until you have lost everything. You cannot re-create that person, be that person again, in the place you now find yourself. He or she will be gone forever. So shut up and go on with your life.
The next thing you know, you have put yourself out there, again, for a date or two, and have found love again. If your heart is strong, you will find love again. If your heart is not strong, don’t expect it to come back. It will fail you again, and you will not be able to recover. You will go through those times of high and lows like everyone else, but remember that you are not an ordinary person.
There are people out there who love you for you, and not just when you are with them. Let them know that you are capable of finding love elsewhere if you need to.
And finally, there come times when you will not feel like going on a date or two. You may have found love with someone else. It is not a stretch to think that you are in for a slow decomposition of your relationship. Accept that this could be your final stop before the curtain comes down on your relationship. It does not matter why you did not ask for this, it is over.
Go out with someone you find attractive, and who likes you for you. Build a relationship with someone who you can like for them. Find someone who you can like for them, and be someone who you can like for them. Until you can do that, and truly enjoy being like for you, you will not have the chance to find love with someone else.