moon, lovers, moonscape

The powerful difference between what you say and what you do

You’re at the bar with your date. The drinks are kicked. The game is on. You hear, “Hey. Nice hair. Nice lips. Oh, I love your ass.”
And you’re there. You’re in the moment. You’re having a good time. And, suddenly, that thought crosses your mind.
“Who the hell likes ass?”
Your thoughts turn to his. You’re not happy with his response. He grabs your arm, trying to steer you away from that thought.
“Shhh. Don’t say that,” he shouts.
You obey.
Your date drags you to the nearest bathroom and forces you to say, “Sorry. About that hair.”
You obey.

He pulls you into the nearest stall and proceeds to brush his hands through your hair. You’re left with a mess.
What you should have done is tell him, “This is my first time going to this club. I am very sorry that I’m going to be spending the weekend with someone who has a bad opinion of ass.”
You would have saved the entire ordeal for last. Instead, you said, “It’s ok. He’s a nice guy. I really like him. He’s a local. I just have a little problem with his hair.”
You probably should have said, “He’s very rude. He grabbed my arm and said, “Shhh.” I have a bad skin rash from the chemical burns.”
You’d have saved the entire date for last. Instead, you said, “Sorry. I’m new here. I’m sorry.”
You don’t have to get rid of his hair. But you should have said, “He’s rude. He grabbed my arm and said, ‘Shhh’ and I have a bad skin rash from the chemical burns.”
If you don’t say anything, he’s going to treat you like he’s the one who did the assault. He’s going to hold that against you for the rest of your life.
You don’t have to explain why you’re sorry. You don’t have to prove it with pictures or a description of how much you hate his hair.
By not owning it, you allow the universe the opportunity to take its course.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll take the opportunity to apologize. You’ll say it was a “rough night,” and you “wasn’t trying to cause trouble.”
But you did say you “didn’t like his hair.”
You implied he was the cause of the mess. You gave him a black eye and a black mark on your sleeve.
You could have explained that you regretted saying “sorry.”
And you would have been right.
Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t apologize for your part in a situation. Don’t chalk up your reaction to him being rude.
No matter what you do, he won’t like it.
Being “sorry” won’t change what happened. He won’t forget the hair. He won’t forget the night out. And he won’t be any less likely to do it again.

And that is the worst thing you can do.
You want to be “nice.” But you don’t want to rock the boat. You don’t want to “accidentally” snap at him in the future.
So, you say, “Sorry.”
And, just like that, you and your reputation are cleared of any wrong doing. You’re a good person after all.
And that’s the best thing you can do.

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