“You know you are the most important person in someone’s life!”
That’s the first line of a marketing email I received from someone I was trying to sell something to. They wanted me to sign their email into their account and then execute a contest on social media.
I instantly thought of all the people I had ever sold things to. Then I thought of what I had recently sold — my writing skills.
There was only one reason I wanted to cheat on an email sale — I was fed up with being the most important person in someone’s life. Every email I sent had the word “own” in the subject line.
I was the new guy who had the chance to become the most important person in someone else’s life. If I could sell something — they could buy me a drink.
I had become the product they wanted more of. It didn’t matter if that something was a writing job, a writing course, a social media management system, a list of book recommendations, or a list of mutual friends.
In my head, I was the guy who could help them achieve their dream life. The guy who could help them live their dream life.
In that email, I didn’t lie. I told the truth. In the end, what I wanted was not what they wanted. I was the guy who could help them become the most important person in someone else’s life.
In a relationship, the important person is the person who believes in the idea of the partner. The important person who loves you is the person who believes in you, the guy who gives you the strength to keep going despite their doubts and weaknesses.
If that sounds corny and I don’t know anything about you, I probably sound like a lot of things. But I want you to know that I am not all of those things.
I am just the above things. I was the person who believed in you when others doubted you. I was the person who gave you the strength to keep going even when you felt like you couldn’t breathe.
But we are more than that.
We are more than that. We are the person who believes in you when others can see through you, the person who gives you the strength to keep going even when you fear that you won’t find love at home.
We are the person who believes in you when others can see through you, the person who does the best they can to help you find your way, and the person you still turn to for help even though you have moved on.
We are not separate people
I have talked to a lot of people who have a lot of different relationships. I have also talked to a lot of people who have a lot of different relationships that don’t work out.
In the former group, I have watched them struggle to maintain the relationships and often felt terrible about myself. They had to hide their failures because — in their mind — they thought they couldn’t handle the loss of the relationship.
In the latter group, I have experienced the massive loss of trust and confidence in those people. They had to hide the truth because — in their mind — they couldn’t handle the loss of the relationship.
In the former group, I had the largest group of friends I ever had. In the latter group, I had the largest group of friends I ever had.
The former group was huge. The former group was huge.
In the former group, I was the smallest person. In the latter group, I was the biggest person.
The former group was the best thing about me. The latter group was the worst thing about me.
After the loss of those relationships, I was smaller than a speck of dirt. I was tiny. I was pathetic. I was through-going-nowhere.
The former group was the basis of my self-worth. The latter group was the reason why I was going now.
I had to hide the truth from people because — in their mind — giving advice would be helping. They would appreciate it if I could just conceal it well.
I can’t blame them for wanting to have their cake and eat it too. I tried to run my life like a business, but it was far from working out.
The truth hurts. It hurts to think about the people I once was, and the lives I once was.
But I have changed. Deeply, deeply change. I have had to grow up and evolve. My mentality has changed from that of a person who just wants to get their dues paid to one who thinks twice before doing anything, and tries things out, tries new things, and tries to be someone they can be honest with and have in return a person who listens and cares.
I have had to learn to accept the truth and the truth only.