Men are great. They’re what make humanity go, right? They’re the ones who fish, they’re the ones who hunt animals, they’re the ones who make babies and they’re the ones who defend their family from attackers. They do those things, and so much more.
But also, they’re the ones who are the most likely to tell you how they feel, or they try to encourage you to feel better. They’re the ones who save, and they’re the ones who die. They’re the ones who try to find the ways to make you feel better.
In a way, it’s brave. A little bit? Sure. But he’s also trying to save himself, because he may never feel better.
It’s also self-serving, because I don’t want to hear about his feelings ever again. I don’t want to see him sad. I don’t want to hear about his problems again, ever. I don’t want to be with him ever again if I can’t be happy just being in his presence.
On a certain level, though, I understand the need to be able to talk about feelings with people. It’s a requirement for many things, ranging from dating to sex to marriage.
The need to talk about feelings is not one of them.
When I was younger, I was engaged in several destructive behaviors that have caused me to be alone for many years. One of them was putting myself down.
I was always a little bit too sensitive, especially around my closest friends. I would either get upset about something they said or do, and then say things that I wish they wouldn’t have said or did.
I might have said some things directly that I regretted a decade later, if I weren’t already dead. I got in so many fights with them about their behavior, I ended up having to talk about it with them in person.
It got so bad that the person who I should have been closest to, my brother, ended up getting involved with someone else. And I ended up dying a few years later.
I was a shitty brother.
I was also a guy who struggled to love himself.
Some of that was due to the fact that I was very insecure around women, but I truly struggled to love myself. I thought I was unlucky to never experience true love, but true self-love was what I desperately needed.
It was the reason why I finally got around to reading “His Secret Obsession“. To my surprise, it was the exact science I was looking for.
Here’s what he had to say:
“Most people with a stable sense of self aren’t seeking a romantic relationship. Their lives are sullen and unfulfilling, but they don’t view themselves in an inappropriate way. They believe they’re better than that. But the truth is, you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with anyone you want.”
It was like the world became a little more fair and warm after I read his words.