There are many reasons why people get divorced, the most common one being because the marriage ended and both of them wanted to be free to do so. Another reason would be if the marriage was traumatic and the couple wanted to get back into it. Yet another reason would be if the marriage ended and the person wanted to continue being in a relationship with their former spouse but didn’t want to confuse their former partner with someone else. Still other reasons would be if the divorce was motivated by substance abuse and the person wanted to get their sobriety back. In all cases, the reason the divorce happened is because someone chose to end it and take control of their own life.
What is the reason that your divorce happened? Did you do something to cause it, or was it the result of something your ex did? Even if you decided to stay in a marriage that was abusive, there is a good chance you wouldn’t have gotten divorced if you hadn’t hit the rocks hard enough. Drugs or alcohol might have been a factor in one or both of you, but it is not always that.
Even if one of you did something terrible to cause the divorce, you wouldn’t stay in that relationship if you hadn’t hit rock bottom. The one who did something terrible might have kept going if they had a family to depend on or another relationship to sell or live at. But they would have hit rock bottom and lost the ability to see or talk to anyone except for (or sometimes even to themselves) and they would have continued to lose the ability to care for themselves or even trust anyone else. That person would have been stuck in a toxic relationship with an abusive partner who made them miserable and created a relationship that they would have tried to get out of again or later revisit. The person wanting to get divorced would have been committed to making it happen, but only because it was what they thought was best for their children. In other words, they wanted the freedom, not the freedom for themselves.
What is your divorce story? Do you want to give yourself the freedom of choosing whether or not to get divorced? Or do you want to be committed to someone who is already married? People can talk about their feelings, their reasons for divorce, and their feelings and reasons for staying in an abusive marriage. That is all good, but until you put your actions on a level playing field with your words, you can’t ever expect to be taken seriously on anything else.