Sine qua non for a healthy relationship is honesty; two different people with different perspectives can benefit from communication in the early stages of the relationship.
When you find yourself in an affair, the stakes in the relationship are already very high.
Can you talk about it with your partner?
Who is it important to you that they know about this?
Is it necessary that you make it a public or private conversation?
In other words, how will you handle your partner’s response?
Will you be guarded and reserved, or open and vulnerable? How will you respond to their questions?
All of these things will shape the way your partner views you. And hopefully, the relationship.
If you are considering telling your partner about an affair, there are a few things you can do to protect your feelings, your mental health, and your investment in the relationship.
Don’t go directly to the source
About halfway through the relationship, when the emotional toll from the affair is at its heaviest, it’s often best to cut ties with the deceptive person.
But first you have to recognize and accept that you’re in an affair. Put your mental health and your relationship on pause. Wait to feel what it would be like if you did this. Then decide whether you think it makes sense to tell your partner about it.
You might be thinking that it will ruin your relationship. You might be thinking that it will mean you’ll be ashamed of yourself. And the rest of the world will think you’re a failure.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
An affair is a private, very personal decision. It does not ruin your relationship; it could possibly improve it.
It’s okay to face your fears or your reservations. It’s okay to say that this is not what you’re looking for in a relationship. It’s okay to say you’re content with yourself.
But instead of jumping into telling your partner about an affair, try to approach it as a new and unique opportunity. Give your partner a chance to meet you and know you as a person before they go further.
You might find that they love your potential first. They might not be as convinced about your current self, but they’ll respect you more for it.
Talk about it, explore it
How can you build a relationship with someone who loves you for you, without sacrificing who you are?
You can’t change your physical appearance, or your personality, or the fact that you’re not perfect. You can’t change the fact that you’re not 22.
But you can change the things that you don’t like or the things that you feel are wrong. You can change the things that you like or the things that you’re open to changing.
The main thing is to open up to your partner and talk about it. Consider it a dialogue. Share all the things that matter to you about them and about your future. Make it easy for them to change with you.
It’s not that you should agree with your partner all the time, or that you should always be on their side, or that you should be always telling them what to do.
It’s okay to speak your mind and to take action in the name of your relationships, but you should also realize that your actions will affect your partner and their feelings.
If you do not give your partner the information they need to trust you, they will not trust you and will not feel safe to communicate with you.
Asking for help is one of the most difficult aspects of being in a relationship. Because of this, we can often feel like we’re being alone or even alone by ourselves.
However, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, or you feel like you’re alone at times, try to find someone to talk to.
Someone who is not going to gossip about you or look to their side. A supportive partner is one who supports you.
Find someone who is willing to listen and someone who is willing to talk. Make sure they’re willing and they’re able to give of themselves to you in the way that brings you comfort.
While I’m not saying that having a partner is the same as being married, it is important to remember that many of the effects of relationship disappear if you are not married.
Some people might fit the definition of “married” and still have relationship problems. This is because sometimes we want to be married and other times we aren’t. The first thing you have to recognize is that your definition of marriage will differ from your partner.
If you’re able to communicate and stay calm with each other, you will be able to address the problem and move forward from there.
If your partner is not able to do the things that they used to, that might be a message from their past that is driving them now. Sometimes we get caught up in feelings too strong to deal with.