When you think of the secrets to a successful relationship, self-help books and self-help videos are probably the first things that come to mind.
And you would be right!
Finding the right partner is one of the biggest challenges in dating.
In fact, getting into a relationship is one of the hardest challenges in life.
So why do we keep trying to find a partner when we just don’t know what’s right for us?
There’s a lot to consider when deciding if it’s time to try to find a partner.
But before you dive into the details, let me give you some context.
Context
Dating and relationships are hard
Of course they are.
But there are methods that you can use to get through the hardest parts of the process.
First, keep in mind that everyone goes through the same difficulty levels.
There’s usually a pattern that emerges where someone tends to meet up in high numbers and drift away from people who have lower retention rates.
Low retention rates are a sign of a relationship that’s not working. Nobody’s perfect, and you won’t always get all the people that join your friend groups.
But, you can minimize the low retention rates by using these four tactics.
Have a pure interest in the person
One of the most important aspects of dating is getting to know someone as well as learn about them.
You should make an effort to understand the person, their passions, hobbies, and whatnot.
When you do that, you’ll show that you’ve paid attention to the major highlights of the person.
If you show that you care about the person, you’ll get more dates and have more fun relationships.
Maintain a friendly mood
This is extremely important.
If you have a hard time maintaining a friendly mood, it’s likely because of past relationships or potential relationships.
If you’re not very friendly in real life, it’ll become obvious that you’re not going to mesh well with your date.
Otherwise, don’t worry about it.
You’ll get through it in the end.
Be open to new passions
Another aspect of maintaining a friendly mood is being open to new things.
If you weren’t open to new things in the past, you’ll need to be open to new things now.
Being able to dance with your date is not ideal.
However, if you’ve been going to the same club for years, you probably aren’t going to change your routine. So it’s okay to be experimental.
As long as you’re being experimental, you’ll be fine.
And if you’re not doing anything wild and crazy and out of the ordinary, it’ll be fine too.
Find the right place
If you don’t have children, it’s probably a good idea to check out if there are children’s activities nearby first.
If you do have children, it might be difficult to find places that’s child-friendly.
But often, this isn’t a problem because many events are just a stroll or car ride away.
To help find places that are family-friendly, I check out what other people are playing at, or what other activities are being offered by the club.
Sometimes I just drive down the street and see if the kids are at the old folks home, or if there’s a kid-friendly restaurant nearby.
Sometimes I’ll set up a picnic just by the park I live in.
And sometimes I’ll set up a hot tub or fire pit outside my house.
If there’s something available, I’ll go to it.
If not, I’ll just make do with the dog.
“Whatever you do, don’t ask your date what she does.” — Obi-Wan
It’s hard to be single when you’re demanded to play a role in society that isn’t exactly one you like.
Some people like to play it non-selectively. I’m one of those people.
I like to do things when I’m alone that show I’ve got the capacity for interest. Like, for instance, if I’m writing and not really thinking of anyone, I’ll relax and lay in bed thinking about things that are totally unrelated to me.
It’s also really easy to say “No, thanks.” When you don’t think you should be asked out so hard.
If you’re doing something that doesn’t thrill you, let someone else take the initiative. It shows you have the capacity to not ask someone out.
It might be scary to say no to someone who has asked you out. But it’s also the safer thing to do. You won’t surprise anyone by refusing to engage. And it’s certainly not the most attractive thing to see on a first date.
But if you’re not sure what to say, it’s also not impossible to overthink it