ice, wire, winter

How to set boundaries and what to do with the discomfort

Boundaries are important to any relationship. They help us to protect ourselves from painful experiences and painful conversations. They help us to communicate what we want and what we need from life.

The question then becomes how to set boundaries and what to do with the discomfort you find yourself in. Many of us have a tendency to move forward with someone, even when we know there’s a dissonance between what we want and what they’re ready to give. The question is when to draw the line and when to stand pat.

Sometimes you may find yourself waiting to see what will happen. You may feel as if you are being “forced” to date someone. You may feel as if you are being “forced” to spend time with someone. For whatever reason, you may feel compelled to date them even if you don’t feel ready to date them.

Stop forcing things in this life. Stop wasting your time on people who don’t want to date you and even if they say they do, you don’t really want to date them and don’t really want to spend time with them.

Pace is important in any relationship but especially in a relationship with someone you’re trying to get to know. If they seem to be really excited about looking into your eyes when you’re talking, or when you’re walking in the door, then you may make the mistake of going into a relationship with high expectations.

Rather than going into a relationship with high expectations, set some minimal boundaries and stick to them. For example, you might want to spend every once in a while out of the house with your partner.

But when it comes to things like inviting other people over, treating sex and kissing like an ordinary activity and not being secretive about your love life, you let your partner go wild when it comes to certain things.

Sometimes you can compromise on things and still be compatible, but more often than not you’ll find that the things you compromise on end up being the things you hate. You’ll end up dating a guy who is super uncomfortable when it comes to talking about his feelings and who won’t really open up about his sex life. You’ll end up dating a guy who doesn’t really open up about things like his feelings for you, either.
You might think you’re going to be able to hide your feelings but once in a while they will creep out.

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