Are you ready to drop the pact of marriage?
Many women talk about how they got rid of the pact, and now they are single and can do whatever they want.
Well, how did you do that? You didn’t just drop your marriage. You dropped the premise that marriage is the goal, and that you need one to be happy.
If you are happy with what you have, why would you need to settle for something else? If you don’t need marriage to be happy, then why did you stay in a marriage that wasn’t working? You have to realize that you are still carrying several assumptions about marriage that you did not fully understand when you went into it. You are still assuming that his income is larger than your income, that he will be more invested than you, that he will be so thrilled to marry you that you don’t need to worry about money and that he will want to spend Christmas with you. Those things may be true, but if he doesn’t want to share Christmas with you, doesn’t want to plan to go to dinner with you, doesn’t want to spend the weekend with you, those are other things you may need to discuss.
Talking about money and finances is not the same as talking about marriage. There is a difference between talking about your concerns about him spending too much time with other women or spending too many days by himself and saying “I tell you what, you need to stop doing that. No one can predict what kind of person will come into this relationship.” and actually trying to change his behavior.
He may be suspicious that you are talking about his women friends because he is not sure whether he should tell you or not. He doesn’t want you to spend all your time with them, and he is afraid you might accuse him of cheating. Talking to his women friends should be a consensual conversation though, and he has the right to terminate it whenever he wants. He does not have to testify to your fidelity or to the quality of his relationship. If you want to, you can ask him to testify to the quality of his relationship. Then only you will know whether he told you the truth.
If he doesn’t want to, that is your choice. But remember, he never has to testify to the quality of his relationship, only you do. If you think that just because he told you he never spends time with his women friends because he is afraid you will steal him from his wife that he will make this friendship private. He can have his own friends, and if he wants to be out of your life because of a sexual angle, he can do that, but he never has to testify to your fidelity or to the quality of your relationship.
It is just a way for men to control women by making them feel necessary. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself why he is trying to control you. He has no reason to be concerned about your loyalty other than to make sure that he knows how to control you. He doesn’t want to lose you, he wants to keep you in his life as much as he can.
The reason he is trying to control you is that he doesn’t want you to have a life outside of him and he wants you to stay so that he can be more than a boyfriend. He doesn’t want the intimacy of a relationship because he doesn’t want to be responsible for you, you, or anyone else. Is this person making much of a difference in your life? No.
But by making you a priority he is trying to make sure he still has someone to turn to when he is feeling lonely. If you are making the wrong kind of difference, you are in trouble. And you should look at your boyfriend or husband with a new perspective. Instead of seeing him as a love major loser, see him as a Cold War 2.0. He is a politician that you do not want to cross paths with. He is out of control, selfish, angry, and interested in himself. This man is not a good role for you and he is definitely a bad relationship for you.