Have you ever worked with that guy at the office? He’s probably old enough to be your dad or at least a weird uncle. He gives you a warm smile and a giant hug, the thickness of which elicits a wide smile from you and a hearty laugh from him.
I worked with this guy at my small publishing company. He was a pretty cool dude, so warm and fuzzy I actually felt like he had a big ol’ smile on his face. In other words, he was funny.
The problem was, he was also a bit of a asshole. He would belittle you, call you names, and generally make you feel small and insignificant.
The funny thing was, he never did anything about it, even though you were the one committing the offenses. He would just kind of sip his brew and mumble something about how he was just trying to keep his employees engaged. You know, the old “I’m just trying to save the company’s image!” excuse.
What was odd about this is that the same things happened time and time again. Only this time, you weren’t the one doing anything wrong. He was the one who was messing around with unapproved substances or touching people without his abilities being discovered.
The funny thing was, he didn’t even see them.
This was a guy who could not see beyond the confines of his bubble. All of his interactions were filtered through the prism of his “nice guy” lens of reality. He could not see past his own facades and that is entirely appropriate because he was using you for a hobby.
The sad part was, he never saw you.
This is where the line between being a friend and a fuckboi gets blurry. Being a friend owes you nothing because you don’t stretch the boundaries of your relationship. I do not mean this to diminish the severity of the situation and I assure you, he was not actually a pedophile (and I do believe he had no physical deviancy with children).
If you are going to be friends with a guy for more than just a sexual relationship, then yes, there should be some consequences for the one with the penis who lets their guard down.
I will reiterate that I think there are different categories of behavior and all should be treated with the utmost respect. That being said, I think being friends with a guy who commits personal offenses is perfectly acceptable if you are in the business with each other.
The problem I see with Tyler is we have all these “friends” who brag about how great their connections are with prominent guys but nothing about their connections is great and they all seem to have an ego which is bigger than everyone else.
This is my biggest problem with his situation. Does he have something to do with it? Maybe. I may be overreacting and maybe he’s not a monster.
However, his connections are his connections.
He has the right to them, they are aspects of his personality he wants to express to whoever he wants to and if he uses them to prey on young girls, that’s his problem and not yours.
I hope that by the time you read this, he has changed his life and doesn’t have any connections like this anymore. I hope he lost part of his brain.
The second thing I wanted to mention is one of my favorite quotes:
“A friend can be anywhere.”
A lot of people don’t mean it literally but it’s a great quote because it ties into the last point of this article.
If you are reading this and even if you are a guy, I hope you can take away something from it, whether you do things the opposite of what I suggest or not.
You can be a friend to a friend like how I have done here and tell yourself it was helpful for you.
You can also tell yourself how amazing this person was that allowed you to grow as a person and experience things you would never be able to experience otherwise.
For me, if I can do it, so can you.