Recently, a Twitter personality I follow made the big announcement: they were getting married. Yes! It was time for that life-changing moment when he took the plunge and vowed to say those magic words, “Til’ death do us part.”
Congratulations to him, he seems very excited to be embarking on the hopefully lifelong commitment of marriage, a commitment that comes with great risk and great reward, and a lifetime of bliss for those who are willing to work through the challenging times that include divorces and tragic deaths.
Most relationships regardless of marital status are the exact same way. That is until something goes catastrophically wrong, and even then, you can start the whole process all over again with astounding consequences.
It is a big decision, and not many people are confident about it, especially those who have not been through it before.
So, before you commit your life to someone who is not yet ready for marriage, consider these five key points that will help you and your partner get through the biggest challenge of them all.
- Be honest
about what you want
Some people are absolutely firm in their desires, while others are so sure they want it they are ready to go to med school to learn how to be married.
The crucial thing to remember is that everyone wants different things, and it is in those different things that they will test you and your limits.
Before you begin the conversation, be sure to ask yourself the following:
I have been single for 4 years, and I have many hopes and dreams, but I am not certain on what I want, and I am still figuring out what I need.
So far, the most difficult conversation for me are the silent ones.
Why is that?
I always try to find the user’s experience, and in that case, the answer tends to lie in us, the user.
If you are certain that the person asking the question is genuinely interested in what you want, and not looking for some petty reason to break up your relationship with them, then you are the one who has the power to choose what you want.
- Embrace their desires
Despite how much you might love someone, there is always a part of you that would like to see them in a relationship.
I know that. I always do.
When you are in a relationship, you are always on the lookout for the one who is going to be the best partner. You want them to choose you, for better or for worse.
But does seeking what you want really help to make your partner happy?
We are reminded of our own desires and of the things we want via third parties.
It is when we are willing to embrace our own desires that we can let our partner interests slide, and still feel like we are a team.
Remember that you cannot control others, but you can control yourself.
When you want something, you must have a good reason, otherwise that would be a coercive power.
So the question is, can you find a good reason to let your partner wants slide?
If you remember the reasons why you want the other to fail, then the chances of them doing so will increase.
And when you are willing to embrace your own wants and desires, you can keep your feelings in check and still have a happy relationship.
- Let them be who they are
What is your ideal relationship? If you want your partner to be your independent existence, then what would make you nervous?
It is not that your partner should not be your priority, it is that they should not be able to do anything to hinder you.
I mean, if they are working late every night, can you really complain?
If your partner is a priority, then let them be their priority.
You don’t have to let them be a priority if you don’t want, and contribute to, a destructive relationship.
For instance, your partner should be able to spend time with family and friends. You should not have to bribe them or get them involved, but you can if you want to.
Let your partner be who they are and have free rein to do what they want. It will balance out the relationship and keep you happy in the long run.
- Set some boundaries
This is the time to let your significant other know what you are and are not willing to accept.
There are some things, especially dark secrets, you just can’t discuss with anyone.
These boundaries should be set once for all and not let go until the person has actually broken one.
These boundaries can also be set in a non-serious way, but it is important to at least be clear about them.